My name is Jen and I'm a control freak.

For most of you, it will not come as a surprise to hear me acknowledge that I am a bit of a control freak. The bulk of my career has been in sales, thus I am very comfortable taking control of a situation to achieve a desired result. I am also very organized and thrive on rules. I tend towards the black and white, which does not always serve me well. 

With this pregnancy, however, I was fully anticipating my control, organization, and rule drivenness (I had no idea that "drivenness" was a word, but spell check seems to like it) would all serve to work in my favor.

Since I knew early on that we were going through with this pregnancy, the next step was just how to do it successfully. Armed with pen and notebook, I set out to learn all I could, making note of some of the issues others seemed to encounter along the way and strategizing how they would not be a part of my pregnancy. As I researched, I wrote down all my questions for the doctor.

Here's a sampling of what I covered with him.

- What diet should I be following for optimal birth weight?

- Is there anything about me physically that presents risks or leads you to believe I may be unsuccessful in carrying these babies?

- Anything that works in my favor?

- Is there a ratio of activity to rest that I should aim for to prevent preterm labor?

- What can I do to keep the babies from suffering birth defects?

- What can I do to insure that I don't deliver before 30 weeks?

You guys, it went on and on. Questions about the hospital, the doctor's experience with multiples, bed rest; you name it, I had it covered! I couldn't wait to hear the regimen that he would prescribe, and which I would follow to the letter.

And after all my research and carefully crafted questions, his answer was deeply unsatisfying to put it mildly.

"There is no magic formula. Listen to your body. When you are tired, rest. When you are hungry, eat. Pray. Ask for prayer. Know that the result is out of our hands." - Dr. J

So as usual, after much kicking and screaming and internal tantrums, I am learning again to surrender.

Repeat after me.

Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

The LORD will fight for you. You need only be still.